THE SWISS ARMY GLUCOSE METER

By Meter Boy

Whenever I travel, I always have to make a checklist of all the things I need to bring in order to control my diabetes no matter where I am. That list seems to be getting longer and longer each year and inevitably I always seem to forget something. 

They say that "necessity is the mother of invention." If that's true then I am waiting for the day when some industrious scientist will invent something that those of us with diabetes can really use - a Swiss Army Glucose Meter.  We don't go anywhere without our glucose meters, so why not attach some other things to it that we can also use?  Here are some suggestions of what should be on it:

• Cellphone - So when we test our blood sugar and see a number like 95, we can call our friends and brag about our good control.
• Currency Converter – As we travel from country to country it would be nice to have a quick reference calculator that tells us the exchange rate, what kind of money they use, and how much a Deutschmark or Lira is worth in American dollars.
• Vital Signs Display - Blood pressure, pulse rate, cholesterol, weight, A1c and any other body data that will tell us how we're doing.  Just don't make it the talking kind because how much I weigh is my own business!
• Web-enabled  - So we can go online to find the best places no matter where we travel to buy diabetic supplies and get timely information from the many great diabetes websites. 
• Carb Counter Plus - With a special sensor so when dining at a restaurant we could just wave the meter over our food and it would tell us how many carbs, calories, and fat was in the meal we were about to eat...because the waitress never knows!
• Med Dispenser - For pills and also glucose tablets in case we're having a bit of a hypo.  You could make it like a Pez dispenser with a cute cartoon head on it.
• Pedometer - Walking is good for people with diabetes and it's helpful to know how far we have traveled.  Especially when you’re on vacation and take one of those walking tours.
• Testing Nylon Filament - Checking the sensitivity in our feet should be done frequently.  It's always nice to know one still has "tickle toes."
• Miniature Television - My doctor is great but I always have to wait in the reception area a long time and the magazines are way out of date.
• Knife, Fork, Spoon - Like the army knife, make them small so if we use them at a restaurant we don't overdo it!
• Garage Door Opener - It has nothing to do with diabetes, I just think it would be useful when I get home late and don’t want to unload the car until morning.
• Address Book - It would contain all the important phone numbers, like family doctor, Endo (endocrinologist), nutritionist, pharmacies, and of course where the local ATM's are so we can get some cash to pay for all the things we need.
• Mirror & Comb - For a quick grooming touch up, because when you're looking good you're feeling good.
• Appointment Book - Then we're always aware of when we need to see the eye doctor, foot doctor, and (just for guys) a built in reminder about important dates like Valentine's Day, girlfriend/wife's birthday, and anniversaries.
• Syringe Center - Insulin Pen, ultra-fine syringes, several types of insulin, and everything needed for a quick and safe injection.

Backup Pump - Like a spare tire on a car. Pump goes flat, there’s another one as a backup.

• MOST IMPORTANT - Design it to have all of these things and yet small enough to easily fit into a pocket!

So there you go all you Edison wannabes, get cracking and come up with something like that for people with diabetes like me who like to travel.  It will make our lives easier and at the same time it will make you famous.  Oh, and one more thing: Don't charge more than $9.95 for it...we have enough expenses as it is.